We are starting on a journey of a new kind of normal ....
The kind of normal that is still pretty much the same ....
but yet it's not ....
Our new normal is us living without one of our babies ....
Someone who will always be missing from our lives ....
That memory , That hurt , That sadness
will always be there ...
It might not show ...
We may get really good at hiding it ...
We've been told by others who have buried their babies ...
The sadness will never completely go away ...
It will always be there ...
We will just learn to live with it in our lives ...
But none the less ...
We will always be thinking about our baby boy ...
Life will go on ...
But it will be always there :
Someone is missing ...
SAMUEL
If we didn't have other children , it would be so easy to curl up in a ball in our misery and pretend that the world is not really turning . That can't happen when you have kids . You must get up every morning and proceed with life ....
Live through the hurt ...
So school must still happen ....
Extra math with Daddy in the evenings will be happening ....
Little monkeys will still find new places to climb :)
We must eat ...
So egg cracking will commence !
My first one ever where there was no yolk !
How weird is that ?
Nerf bullets will be chilled in the fridge ....
Why ?
I'm still not sure ....
When I discover the answer to that question .
I will let you know ....
Little man will dance around in princess shoes ....
Just to get a reaction :)
Winter fun will happen ....
While trying to stay warm ....
Pooches will be spoiled ...
Happy 3rd Birthday Wags :)
My phone will be borrowed ....
And filled with 200 silly pictures ....
Snow tunnels will be built ....
Naps will be taken ....
Puzzles will come together ...
Little brothers hair will be done for fun by big sisters ....
Why ?
Because the sisters are bigger and they can ....
Plus he has such beautiful hair ....
He's thrilled :)
Can ya tell ?
Laughter will be heard ...
Hubby and I discovered this little gem of a show...
It follows a Christian family who became multimillionaires with the invention of their duck calls ...
Very Redneck !
Very Funny !
If you have a squeamy tummy, don't eat while watching in case they happen to be cookin' up some squirrel :)
If your already sad with the happenings in your life ....
Which I am very much ....
I suggest not watching :
THIS!
Which I did - Mistake !
SPOILER ALERT :
Everyone dies !!!
Ok, well maybe two whole people make it through , but everyone else does not ...
It's called Les Miserables for a reason ...
It's Miserable!
So again :
If you want to be depressed watch this :
If you want to laugh :
Watch this !
And at the end of everyday ...
Will be the darkness ....
Night time is the hardest ...
Maybe its because everything happened when it was dark :
~ The ambulance ride to the bigger hospital
~ The emergency surgery to save Samuel from being born
~ The night my labor was stopped with modern medicine
~ The night he was born
~ The same night he passed away
~ It was dark when John & I had to hand our Samuel to a nurse to take him to the morgue
Or maybe :
Things just seem harder at night ...
Despite it all ...
Despite our sadness ...
Despite our broken hearts ...
Life keeps moving on ...
But please be patient with us ...
We are learning how to live without our baby boy ....
Grief has no indication of time ....
3 comments:
Praying for ya as you journey on into this new kind of normal...
Love all the pics! And love that you're blogging again. And I love that John helps with the homeschooling! (Wanna send him our way for a week or two??!) Oh...and I love Duck Dynasty! :-)
Blog on, friend!
P.S. I also reaally love the sweet necklace John got you. So precious...
Thank you for visiting our blog and thank you for following us. I am so sorry about your sweet Samuel, there are tears for you today. We just adopted a little boy and named him Isaiah Samuel. Such a perfect name, Samuel. It is so full of hope and joy. I hope that your sweet boy brought you all the joy you imagined and I pray that God will be your comfort and peace. I pray that you will always see the joy in him and that the sadness will soon fade. Please know that you are not alone and today, a year and a half later, I have tears for my sweet girl and your sweet Samuel. The sadness fades but the ache does return time and time again. God bless you my new friend and your precious family...
Elle's Mommy
I know that feeling of having to go on it is a strange thing. I pray that all those in real life will be extra patient with you and give you lots of love and grace. One day at a time you will make it. Lots of love hugs and prayers sent to you today!
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