Our Tiny Son SAMUEL

I haven't blogged in over 5 weeks. Not since our world turned upside down. I still don't know what to write. I just want you to meet my Son. He was born to early. He was perfect. He was completely perfectly formed, 100% healthy. The only reason he died was because his Mama's body just refused to cooperate and he died shortly after birth. We tired so hard, but it was too late, the combination of a nasty infection, that caused pre labor, too many contractions, my body completely ready to deliver, a surgery that would have worked, had I not already completely funnnled open from the contractions. The surgery, laying head down in a bed and drugs trying to stop my contractions bought us too more weeks, but on December 8, we knew it was too late, nothing was stopping it anymore, I was in full labor, they had to cut my stitch. I now know there is nothing worse than feeling your little boy kick you perfectly healthy, until he drops into your birth canal while laboring and dilating clear to 10 cm. Knowing the whole time that your babies chance at life is 0-10%, and three hours later, at 5:16 p.m. , without a dry eye in the room,  SAMUEL JOHN was born. He came in to the world at 1 lb. 3 oz. and my husband and I had to watch him struggle to breath and die in our arms. We kept him with us for 4 hours. Our  children met their brother and wept over him, our families came to meet their grandson, and nephew. I never felt such pain. I've had a miscarriage but there is no comparison to holding and watching your baby die. I will write more later but for now, I can't hardly see the screen through my tears. So for now, a picture. This is Our Son. He got to spend his first Christmas in Heaven. We are so in love with him and will miss him for the rest of our lives.

Our baby Boy :

Samuel John 

December 8, 2012

1 lb. 3 oz .